A story making the rounds recently was the shut down of a burrito restaurant in Portland. It was viciously hounded and attacked online until forced to fold. Why? The owners, two white ladies, were accused of cultural appropriation. One of the owners told an interviewer they went to Mexico and studied the way burritos were made. The article also quoted one owner as saying “we were peeking into the windows of every restaurant” because no one gave them the full authentic recipe, which caused the outrage, since they apparently didn’t pay the native Mexicans. This article has annoyed me to a level beyond my normal “I hate 90% of you idiots” level, which is how I generally wake up. Let’s break this down.
1) Does anyone really think this white lady in Mexico was skulking around, peering in windows, learning secrets? You do? You’re a moron. I can just picture this lady tip toeing like Elmer Fudd trying to sneak up on Bugs Bunny with the piano notes plinking each step in some people’s heads. SHE WAS EXAGGERATING, DUMMIES. If, on the off chance, she wasn’t, did anyone use their brains and ask her to clarify? Rather than shut the place down, did any web shark send them a private message, asking them if they paid the native Mexicans or if they should have? Here’s another thought – DID ANYONE JUST, OH I DON’T KNOW, DECIDE NOT TO EAT THERE INSTEAD OF SHUTTING IT DOWN? The internet bully has as much intellectual merit as a five year old mad about not getting candy before dinner. It’s called logic. Try it out.
2) The part they appropriated was the actual burrito shell, if they did indeed appropriate it. IT’S THE FUCKING BURRITO. NO ONE CARES ABOUT THE BURRITO. Has anyone ever eaten Italian food and commented on the noodle? NO ONE EVER. You talk about the sauce, perhaps the garlic bread. NO ONE GIVES A RED SHIT ABOUT THE BURRITO UNLESS IT’S ALL SOGGY, WHICH IS THE FAULT OF THE GOOD STUFF INSIDE.
3) Does anyone think a poor Mexican chef was all set to open a burrito restaurant in Portland, Oregon, and this nefarious white devil stole the one shot they had, because after all, a major American city, can’t possible support two burrito stores? Plus this person or persons in Mexico wasn’t going to open a store in Portland. Ever. Also, no one in Portland was going to drive down to Mexico to grab a quick bite for lunch. The worlds will never meet, excepting these ladies’ burrito vacation.
4) Someone even went a produced a list of “appropriated” restaurants aka ethnic restaurants owned by white people so you can eat guilt free or appropriation free or just shut them down too (in Portland, the nationwide list has yet to come, but it is probably one the way). Remember when sharing ideas was good? “YES CHRIS, BUT THEY STOLE…” I’m sorry, whitey, have you ever served Mexican food at a party? Oh, you have? Then you’re an animal. Actually, to inform everyone, as someone who’s been to Mexico a few times, actual Mexican food isn’t like American Mexican. Like cheese and sour cream? Won’t find it in Mexico! Like green chile sauce? Can’t hardly get it in America. I even saw that the numbers we use have been “appropriated”. That’s right, someone took the time to get upset about the numbers “we” (whatever we means anymore) use being stolen from another culture thousands of years ago. So to some, if you type 1,2,3…you’re part of the problem. Time to write a letter to Sesame Street and ground my toddler! They love using numbers.
5) Does anyone have the list of what races are allowed to open what restaurants? Can an Asian person open a biscuits and gravy breakfast joint? If whitey opens a restaurant, like Greek food, do they have to be Greek or do we just lump all crackers in together? What about minorities “borrowing” or “appropriating” each other? Is there a hierarchy? Who is in charge of this list? Should I yell at my mom for serving me tacos in 1987? My aunt for making sushi once? If I get a waiver form from the supposedly offended or appropriated culture, can I eat food not made by that culture? Is there a certification process to make sure this waiver form is authentic? OH I JUST STARVED TO DEATH TRYING TO FIGURE THIS OUT.
If the burrito ladies really stole a recipe (Grandma always kept hers close to the vest), they’re dicks. If they just observed, picked up a few tips and tried to make it a go making food they love (yes, you don’t have to be a certain skin color to enjoy or make certain foods and if you think so, you’re a racist or you need laid), then every internet tough guy should get bent. Plus, the most important thing in this story…you monsters shut down a burrito shop. What kind of depraved psychos want less burrito stands? I have never once in my life eaten food and said, “WAIT, WHAT RACE OF PERSON MADE THIS?” If you are willing to serve me a burrito, I don’t care if I can see your spaceship outside the window as you slide the plate towards me with a purple tentacle. GIVE ME THE BURRITO AND MOVE ALONG.