I looked up VDay (don’t forget the ay or you’re going to vomit) to find out just why in hell this holiday exists. Don’t get me wrong, it’s legit, unlike Sweetest Day or the “we need to sell more cards and shit day” type holidays, but it’s actually a very romantic tale. Some guy named Valentine was marrying Christians in pagan Rome, which was a no no. He got told to stop, he didn’t, so he got beat to death with clubs by Roman soldiers. While awaiting this clearly fair sentence, he healed the jailer’s daughter of blindness and left a note saying, Your Valentine at the end. Then the clubbing. Sounds like love is in the air!
I got a very unique gift arrangement from my wife, plus she brought home dinner. We were also able to go out to a movie for the first time since our daughter showed up (Deadpool was playing near the house, also a tale of romance) and my wife did stand up for the first time for a show called Significant Others put on by the hilarious Tom Plute, who is appearing with me, Wonder Doug and Nickey Winkelman February 26 at 8 pm at Rehab Tavern – free show, 456 W. Town St., Columbus. The highlight though was this –
Now I can smell like Captain America, which in my head, I do all the time. Fireworks smoke mixed with bald eagle pheromones, with a dash of patriotism and freshly grilled hot dogs. That’s sexy. Plus if you spray it on an undercover Nazi spy, they burst into flames. Red, white and blue flames.