I was scrolling down my Facebook feed when I saw “THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!” I noticed that I had seen this post title at least four times in the last few days. Hate to tell everyone – it didn’t change everything. Or anything…except the likelihood I’ll click on any link that says “THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING!”
Other ones I could do without – “Everyone needs to read this.” No they don’t. You think they do, but they don’t and they won’t.
I had someone say to me – “I’m feeling just ducky.” You feel like shitting all over the sidewalk? That’s bizarre.
“Cool beans.” I still don’t know what that one means. Yes, I can look it up online, but I have zero desire to learn what that means.
“You working hard or hardly working?” I had a guy ask me that at work every day for four years. I finally said, “Hardly working, I’m talking to a real jackass right now.”
This last one isn’t a phrase, but a personal request. If you’re talking to me, you can say my name back to me. Once. If we are having a conversation and you say my name 20 times, I may kill you. I don’t know what salesman book you read, but we’re not making a personal connection, you’re annoying the hell out of me. “Chris, can I call you Chris? Great Chris. Have you thought about your credit card Chris?” No, not at all. “Well, Chris, the one thing I tell people Chris, is that it really is important Chris…” (Muffled sound coming from intense chokehold…then silence) That’s better.