Wrestlemania made me nostalgic. Not really for wrestling, but for betting on it. In college, my buddies and I used to toss $5 in a pool and pick the winners for pay per view events. I won every time. How? I looked up online who won the week before and picked the opposite. Thanks, Ross Report. You bought me a lot of 30 packs.
Unfortunately, most gambling doesn’t go like that. You usually get burned pretty good, so I thought I would share what not to do.
– Don’t eat pizza while playing Texas Hold ‘Em. Once I played a guy who got sauce on the Ace of Clubs. Every time I saw sauce, I folded. Not exactly Wild Bill Hickok, but it worked…not for pizza fan.
– Don’t bet on pool when your partner is drunk. I was in a game of pool for more money than I care to share. I told my partner we had to take the game to get back to even – I really needed him to step up. I looked over and he was leaning against the wall, head down on pool stick, eyes closed. He did not step up.
– Don’t sit down at the cash game at the Sons of Italy with six Italian guys over 60. I didn’t even know what game we were playing, but I know I lost it. I should have ordered pizza for them first.
– When you look at the Blackjack dealer and say, “I’ve been playing perfect strategy all night! What the hell?” and she agrees, you still don’t get your money back. There is no participation ribbon at a casino. Unless you count your ATM receipt.
– Don’t do drugs and play poker. I went to a party once with a hold em game. I was told as we sat down that everyone except me had done their best Rick James imitation. I won all their money in about 20 minutes and got the hell out of there. I probably should have checked the money first.
Of course, you can do everything right and lose your ass. Actually, just buy a casino. They never lose. I’m sure they’re easy to open. You’re welcome.