I like the Olympics, mostly because America usually kicks a lot of ass. I don’t care what the sport is, I’ll root for it if the old USA is involved. Take that, country that hasn’t won a medal in 44 years! Here’s the big stories so far (at least to me).
– Phelps gets cupped. Michael Phelps, hero to drinkers and potheads everywhere for showing you can party and still dominate, had weird bruises and people went nuts. I’ve been cupped before. My wife had to use them when I knocked a ribhead out of my back playing in an alumni football game. I was so dehydrated and inflexible, the cups helped pull blood into my back to push the ribhead back in. I mean, I am basically ahead of Michael Phelps. Hack.
– Who in the hell plans this thing? There are at least 432 different swimming events. Can we narrow it down to a sprint or a distance race? There is so much going on in swimming, I’m shocked they can cram it into two weeks. Canoe slalom? Yep. Rhythmic gymnastics? Of course! Wrestling? Almost removed completely from the Olympics. That makes sense, it’s just one of two sports that require amateur status and has been around since naked men grappled in the ancient Greece games. OK, maybe I’m hurting my case for wrestling.
– Poop, dead bodies and steroids. You try and be nice to an underdeveloped nation and they reward you with rivers full of feces and human remains. Luckily, a sizable chunk of athletes were found to be doping, so they can survive the bacteria and disease covering every inch of the city. The Russians were doing so many PED’s, they could have been – well, the Russians in about every Olympics. Ever since Ivan Drago killed Apollo Creed, I haven’t trusted those bastards.
That’s it for now – US is winning medal count and it keeps people from putting up political posts for two weeks, so keep at it Olympics. The sports, not the poop water. Keep up the sports.