People often ask me, do you do jokes about your real job? Answer – NO. To quote a wise man, don’t shit where you eat. I had a job one short time several years back where I sold janitorial supplies and foodservice supplies. One of the ladies there asked me, “Do you joke about this place? I bet you have some good ones!” Yes, I have entire 20 minute sets about napkins and urinal pucks. It’s gold. PURE GOLD.
Well, I’ll tell one work story from the past today for ye. I was working for a commercial truck rental place as a sales rep. Not laughing yet? Oh just wait!
I had a new account that turned in all their trucks without warning and called immediately to find out what worm competitor stole my moo cow. I was told by the secretary “I don’t know why we switched, we just did.” Did you get a better price? Newer equipment? TELL ME WOMAN, TELL ME! “I don’t know, we didn’t even look at pricing.” Now I was pissed and used the only sales tool to melt the hardest hearts. Free lunch. Would you like pizza and we can discuss? “No! We like subs.” OK, I said, subs it is. Then she exclaimed, “Jimmy likes tuna!”
I realized I had to load up the subs and drive 45 minutes to win this account back. I got to Subway – tuna? In my car for nearly an hour in the summer? Not today. Jimmy’s getting meatballs or turkey. I pulled in and presented my delicious gift of Subway. I had everything under the sun, minus the sunbaked mayo and tuna mashup. I asked if I could requote, reservice or rededicate my efforts to winning back their business. What price do I need to meet? What upgrades or features can I present? The old lady snatched the bag o’ subs, rummaged through it like a homeless food critic and stared at me with hate. “JIMMY LIKES TUNA!” Out of pure reaction, I yelled back, “THEY WERE OUT OF TUNA!” (They weren’t.)
I brought free lunch to an account that for no reason yanked hundreds of dollars a week from me and the only response I got was that Jimmy likes tuna. I nearly brained her with the remainder of the sandwiches. The irony was that Jimmy walked in, saw the meatball and exclaimed, “This looks good!” I laser eyed the grump with fiery steel eyes and she relented. I got their business back and it turns out Jimmy likes meatballs too, but now for the rest of my life, every time I see tuna I hear the shrill scream in my head of “JIMMY LIKES TUNA!”