How in the hell does my wife not lose a foot or hand in the winter? They’re below freezing in August. Oh I know, she shoves her bloodless ice blocks under my shirt when I’m sitting on the couch.
How in the hell do cokeheads survive the winter? My nose starts bleeding in mid-November and doesn’t stop until April. If I added snorting something abrasive, I’d have to walk around with a sock in each nostril.
How in the hell can the History Channel go an entire week and not show ONE DAMN HISTORY SHOW? ENOUGH WITH ALASKAN SHIT, GIVE ME WAR STUFF NOW. YOU TOO NAT GEO – WE GET IT, ALASKAN PEOPLE ARE GREAT BECAUSE YOU HAVE 40 HOURS A WEEK ABOUT THEM.
How in the hell can I get someone to wrap my gifts this year? Is there a barter system? I’ll tell you a dirty joke for each present wrapped and I’ll supply the material. Please God don’t let my five year old wrapping skills have to come out again.