My dog has the health of a leper rolled in anthrax and garbage. He’s had hookworms, whipworms, a mast cell tumor, hip dysplasia, stitches, and currently takes nine pills every day. Needless to say, if I can save a buck or two in vet bills, I jump on it. WHERE’S THE UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE FOR STRINGBEAN, OBAMA?
He has an ear infection so bad right now that his ears sound like ripe watermelons when you touch them. I finally looked online and saw douche would help clean it up. I went to the grocery store to search for something I’ve used in conversation 10,000 times, but in life never.
I was looking when a lady approached me. “Can I help you?” I realized the words that came out of my mouth were logjammed. “Umm. I need Massengill. It’s for my dog.” The lady stared at me. I realized at that moment nothing could diminish the weirdness. “We don’t carry that.” I know lady, even if you did, I’m going somewhere else.