One of the roughest parts of doing comedy is trying to do it while you have other things going on, like working a real job so you can eat and not live in your car. I once did a show on a Thursday that led to me getting under two hours’ sleep then working a full day. Needless to say, when I get time off from both, it’s very welcome.
Since I have a little time off due to a job change, I wanted to maximize my time off, so I made a list of must dos for this week.
– Get a passport (or get started). My honeymoon is going to be overseas, which is cool because I’ve never been outside my current hemisphere. I can’t wait to go to Europe and tell Euro trash how sweet America is and how they are wrong about everything. I’ve heard Europeans are very friendly and open to such criticism. I should probably pick up an Uncle Sam top hat, fanny pack and bald eagle shirt so I can dress the part.
– Do my taxes. I hate taxes more than I hate people that don’t pop their zits. More than being stuck at the BMV next to someone with BO and realizing after 30 minutes they only take checks. It’s 2014, who carries a checkbook? In other words, I may fake an adoption to get more money back. Feel free to send me ideas on how to pull that off.
– Write new jokes. This usually involves me staring at a wall with a notepad until I give up. Then two days later, while I’m driving in heavy traffic, I think of eight jokes, six of which I’ll probably forget before I pull over. In other words, get ready for one new joke next week!