I pay my car insurance every six months. It’s a nice, “Oh shit, I guess I’m not eating this week” surprise. I noticed my rate went up, which was weird, since I haven’t run anyone over for at least a year. I asked, so they checked for discounts. “Have you graduated college?” Yes. “Great, you get a discount!” Hmm. What about the nine years previous to this? “Umm. I’m sorry. No.” Of course, why would I get the money back for something no one asked me for nine years that I never should have paid? There was silence. “You haven’t got a ticket in a while, good job driving!” Thanks for the compliment, you know what’s better than that? MONEY.
Oh well, I’ll survive. I then asked if I could get any other magic discounts and there was one. All I had to do was agree to put a monitoring device in my car. It would measure how hard I braked, what time of day I drove, and how fast I traveled. In other words, if I allowed my insurance company to steal my soul and snoop in my biznaz, I could have some lunch money. Next thing you know, they’ll start asking invasive bs like “Do you drink and drive?” or “Why are those construction cones stuck in your grill?” Mind your beeswax, evil corporate scumbags!