Big news, I finally got my passport today. It’s pretty cool – it has pictures of eagles, Old Glory, and American awesomeness. I can’t wait until some not American asks for my passport and I can slap him across the face with it. I need a catch phrase when I do it, like “Merica!!!” or “Taste some freedom, commie!” They’re not very good, but I think they would get the point.
I have already started planning my world tour, which makes zero sense since I haven’t even been outside Ohio in about two months. I would have to first find out if white trash exist in other countries, or there goes part of my act. I also just figured out most of my knowledge of other cultures is what or how much they drink and what type of warriors they are known for. I don’t know their systems of government, if they have souls, or if they use toilet paper or those butt jet contraptions, but give me a booze type and I came name your country. I don’t have any saki jokes, looks like you’re out Japan. I do like ninjas though…OK, sorry France, you’re out. I don’t like wine and musketeers are boring. After thinking about this more, maybe I shouldn’t leave the Midwest. Or my house.