I gave blood last night and passed out at like 10 pm, so this is going to be brief. I’m such a good person, by the way. My blood has probably saved 43 children so far.
I remember when I first started comedy. I thought every other comic was a dick. Not many people talked to me or even made eye contact. Then I did stand up for about three months and realized why. I sucked and most new people quit. It was like a platoon in Nam that gets a new guy. If he gets clipped and you befriended him, it sucks. If you didn’t know him, then oh well. That and new comics are usually overenthusiastic and think they’ll be working the Tonight Show in four weeks. The bitterness hasn’t taken hold yet.
My pal Dan was emceeing the other evening and a newb was introduced…then took about 30 seconds to get to the stage. Dan made a comment about the amount of time it was taking, to which he said, “What’s the rush?” Dan said, “Um, THE SHOW?” The audience laughed very hard and the rube proceeded to eat his own ass for about four to five minutes. Well, I’ll probably never see that soldier again.