I rolled into my alumni football game last Friday and was shocked that I was earlier than everyone else…then I found out we only had 22 people playing and I was last. There goes the pipe dream of taking it easy. I went out onto the field and saw our rival had 15. Apparently everyone’s wives had stepped in and prevented most of the old asses from suiting up.
The announcer was doing a fine job, but kept referring to our game as “the titanic struggle” between Maysville and Philo. As the game advanced and neither team scored, I began to realize he was mocking us and with good cause. Philo’s first first down came when their punter kicked the ball into the back of the upback, caught the ball, then threw a pass for about 20 yards. It was the second biggest play of the entire game.
After a missed field goal, we went into the half still locked at zeroes. Some guy turned around and slapped his gut. “Been letting myself go! Class of 2010, ain’t young no more!” I almost spit in his face, but my neck was too stiff from the High School Harry that drilled me on a block in the 2nd quarter. Lightning hit and the game got cancelled early in the fourth quarter and I went off to drink beer, since that’s what pros do after a titanic struggle. I need to stick to jokes.