I recently lost about five-six pounds through smaller portions, spacing out snacks and drinking more water. I was very proud. Then today happened. One co-worker brought in red velvet whoopie cakes (I didn’t name them, that’s what the sticker said). Another tossed me an extra double cheeseburger that McD’s accidentally tossed in his bag. Then a customer showed up with a tray of fresh egg rolls. Guess who put on four pounds today? Son of a bitch.
The best shape I ever got into was the summer before my junior year of college. I cut back on the beers (mostly due to being poor), started eating less (again, poor), worked out everyday (too poor to do anything else) and our cook at the frat house was off. I came into my junior year of college 14 pounds under my high school playing weight. I actually had stomach muscles. Then our cook came back and dumped cooking grease called Whorl on everything, the parties started back up and I put 15 lbs. on in a month. I have found out my only chance of being in great shape is total human isolation or just go back to being poor again. I generally like money more than people, so I’m either going to have a beer gut or you will never see me again.