I hate infomercials – they’re way over the top with overly excited morons getting duped by weird looking hyper jackasses. That said, I just got sucked in by one and I kind of hate myself.
I went to the grocery and heard they were giving away free stuff. I couldn’t hear what it was, but I thought they said free food. I shuffled over and realized for the amazing gift of a shitty fruit peeler, I had to listen to 15 minutes of a sales pitch for a vegetable slicer. Well, I am clearly not buying this…but I’ll be nice. It does a nice julienne cut though…even though I don’t really know what a julienne cut is… OK, that’s enough, time to leave – there’s more? It cuts steak fries? That is cool. Fast forward ten minutes and I got one. They threw in some free shears, which are worth at least .75 cents on the open market. What a deal! On the drive home I remembered I haven’t sliced a vegetable since ever, but if I do, I’m set – unless of course the shitty third world construct fails me mid-slice and I lose part of my finger.