I did a show last night with several fine local comics, which means when the show started 45 minutes late, we had exchanged several stories about the trials and tribulations of entertainment. I recalled one really shitbird show, so I will share it with you.
I had been doing comedy for less than six months (read: awful) when I got booked for a show in a town of about seventeen people. There were 10 people there, plus me and three other comics. One had done exactly one paid show, the other none. In fairness, I had done two. As I approached the stage, the owner told me he had booked…wait for it…a magician. And he was late. So I had keep the show going, with two comedians who had exactly thirteen minutes of comedy. Great. (I had 30 minutes, only 9 of which were tolerable.)
After suffering onstage in three shifts for 40 minutes, the asshole magic boy showed up and I was eternally grateful that I would not suffer anymore. He then announced he had to do “hand exercises” and loosen up first. So I had to die onstage a little more until this fucking clown got done with his BS. He sucked…for an hour.
After the show, the booker approached me. “Hey, good job!” Then he handed me $5. $5. That’s right, $5. I was pissed, but broken. Then the bartender brought his tab. “$10, sir.” “I don’t have any money! Can I borrow $1o?” So I gave him the five, plus my five. I did over 40 minutes of comedy in front of a shit crowd, mixed in with a magician I wanted to punch…for negative five dollars. Then I kept doing comedy. I am insane.