I got to emcee the semifinal round of the “Open Mike Talent Search” at the Columbus Funny Bone this week. I enjoy emceeing these, because it means I’m not in them. Contests can be rough. You spend days agonizing over which jokes to tell, hope you don’t go first or accidentally dribble pee on yourself, and finally watch as some other contestant brings 75 friends to the round you’re in, while you have 8 people show up.
It was a strong lineup, but having comedy A.D.D., I have a hard time sitting still. I make a game of finding one liners and quips to say during the show, sometimes it kills, sometimes it doesn’t. Example – I told everyone at the beginning not to get all white trash excited until the clapoff at the end. Apparently, “don’t get too excited” was including at some of my act. One comic was doing a rant on babies and I relayed a fun joke about how I heard a PSA about shaking babies. I don’t know which is sadder, shaking babies or the fact someone thought a PSA would fix the problem. NOTHING. Apparently everyone in the crowd had been abused.
I redeemed myself with a few lines. One comic did a joke about being a creepy drunk. I retorted that I didn’t think she was creepy at all while I was watching her through her window. That worked…and probably made some ladies check their purses for mace. The only sad part of the night was I accidentally hit the door frame with my arm and dropped my beer. I can still see it in my mind’s eye. I felt like curling up into a ball and listening to Jewel the rest of the night. Why God why, must this happen to me? I’m a good person!