I went up Monday in the Cleveland Comedy Festival. I went into work, put in an eight hour day and drove two hours up to the show. The drive gave me time to figure out my six minute set. I had a good idea, but I set my timer and ran through my set. I looked over and saw a lady staring at me as I talked to myself. Don’t judge me, lady, this shit is hilarious.
I got into the show and met some of the other comics. There is a weird “I hate everyone in here.” thing that happens when you realize the other 11 people stand between you and prize money. Turns out, everyone I spoke with was pretty cool. Of course, there’s always a pissing match of bragging that happens among comedians, but I’m probably worse than most, so I can’t complain. We drew numbers to determine order and I grabbed mine, stupidly drawing the paper with the number one on it. This is the kiss of death in a comedy competition.
I shook it off, until as I walked onstage and saw eight people being seated. Well, that’s not distracting! I had a pretty solid set, but in my practicing by myself, no one laughed. Well, not out loud, just the voices in my head. My timing was off a hair and I went about ten seconds over. That’s the other stickler with contests – be funny for 360 seconds…give or take five seconds. I couldn’t watch most of the other sets because I didn’t want to stand in the corner, plus they had free pizza in the green room and since all comedians are users and cheapskates, I jumped in.
Finally, the results were in! I didn’t make the top four, so my dreams of winning were over. I realized if I had won the money, I would’ve probably wrecked my car on the way home. Oh well, let me see if I can stuff some pizza into my coat pockets and call it a night.