I think as an entertainer, one of the phrases that wears me out most is “I’ll have to check you out sometime.” Example, I met some people I had never seen before. “I heard you do jokes!” Well, not really, but in order to move this conversation along…yes, I do jokes. I get onstage and regurgitate jokes everyone has already heard rather than original material. Whatever, they’re being nice.
Then one of the ladies asked if I had ever been to Livonia, Michigan. Yes, but I didn’t perform there, I was passing through town. “Oh, I love that place.” Me: Joey’s, right? “Yes, I go there all the time.” All the time, as in you didn’t remember the name. OK. “I’ll check you out next time you’re up there!” OK, great! I am fully aware that she will 1) not be able to pick me out of a police lineup in 56 seconds’ time and 2) I am currently not booked there, so the chances that she will scour their lineup every week for the next year until, maybe, I get booked there is somewhere between zero and I’ll never drink again. In other words, zero.
In fairness, I do someone similar to this also. It must be some dumb human trait, like how people say they’re coming to a party or event on Facebook and no show, just to get that initial acceptance from others. People always ask me if I have heard of someone and inexplicably, I say, “Yes, sounds familiar! I think I ran into them once!” Then I act like someone is calling me or I have to pee or jab myself in the leg with my car keys because I have no idea who in the hell they’re talking about. “Wow, looks like I’m bleeding! Well, catch you later!”