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  • I am the worst golfer (with all my limbs) on earth

    Posted by on July 29, 2013

    I went to my annual golf experience at the Quincy Conner Foundation’s Qfest last weekend.  (Check it out thequincyconnerfoundation.com)  A lot of money was raised for a great cause in the memory of my friend Q.  Also, I got my once a year golf experience out of the way.  I suck to a level unknown.

    I lost 15 balls, never had one tee shot that my team of four used, and even realized I use my clubs so little, I found a Natural Light can in my bag with a born on date of April 2, 2004.  I didn’t drink it, in case you wondering.  Of course, it doesn’t help my game when we drink a beer every three to four holes.  That, and the fact that when I got a bottle of water, I got ridiculed like I ordered a Zima with a Jolly Rancher in it.  How dare I prevent cramping at four in the morning, what a pussy I am.

    I have found better ways to enjoy golf since I stink.  1) Always run over an opposing team’s ball with your cart.  2) Be sure to flip the cart into reverse during your opponent’s backswing, it makes a lovely distracting alarm buzz.  3) The foot wedge is the most important club you can use.  4) Cheat.  Everyone else will.  5) If the outing is for charity, you get unlimited putts.  6)  Drink until you don’t care about the game, quit after eight holes and go to the bar.  Now you can enjoy golf too.

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