I saw my current city, Columbus, Ohio, was named the most intelligent city in America. Having read the opinion section of the newspaper, walked around and met her proud citizens, and frequented the bars, I am now fearful for the future of my country. Just yesterday I read letters to the editor in the Columbus Dispatch. One writer said he supported gay civil unions, but if we passed gay marriage, we were subject to the wrath of God. Yes, I’m sure the Lord’s terrible judgement is that specific over the English language. Another mentioned that the key to fixing the country’s problems was through the suggestions of a congressman who has been in Washington for over three decades. Ah, Congress will fix everything. Perfect idea, especially when their approval rating is hovering around 12%, our debt is over 16 trillion and they haven’t passed a budget in four years.
Then again, New York addresses its major issues of banning large sodas (you can just order two smaller ones), you can’t order alcohol in most parts of Kentucky (the Bourbon state, no less) and I saw a snowstorm when I was in Dallas that prompted four hillbillies to hang on to the back of a car riding on top of trash can lids down a major four lane road. One slipped and shot through the intersection, rolling over a moving car’s hood. Maybe my new home isn’t so dumb after all. Plus I live here, that’s a pretty good advantage. In other news, Columbus’s Busch Light consumption is now second only to Jackson, Mississippi and third now on cities with the hairiest asses behind only two Eastern European towns. You’re welcome Columbus. Just doin’ my part.