The most awkward hotel experience of my comedy career

I went to the hotel Friday, which turned out to be a Bed and Breakfast.  Not having ever stayed at one, I didn’t know that meant “someone’s private house.”  I walked in and totally took the people off-guard.  The husband stood in the hallway in his socks and asked me what I was doing.  “Checking in, I’m the comedian.”  His wife started yelling no one called from the club and I quickly realized that I was violating their privacy or interrupting whatever plans they had.

Well, they didn’t even have me sign in and showed me to my room, which was nice.  No iron, which sucked, b/c I had a super wrinkly shirt.  Then he told me the bathroom was across the hall.  Oh, and as I set my stuff down, his kid popped out playing hide and seek.  In my room.  I logged on to the net and found an email from the agent that said they switched hotels, so I had to gather up my shit and go seven miles north to the new hotel.

I went back out to my car, which was covered in salt, so I couldn’t see backing up.  They were in their car waiting on me to leave, obviously going to dinner, since I was their only guest.  I think I backed into a pine tree, not hurting my car, but probably messing up their tree pretty bad.  I gassed it and got the hell out of there.  Though they had a nice patio and a plethora of board games, the kid hanging in my room freaked me out.  Hey Timmy, mom and dad are having a guest over!  He’s a bearded drunk with sweaty feet.  Don’t make eye contact with him, but he’s sleeping upstairs and will probably pee out of window to avoid using the communal bathroom.  Make sure you hide in his room and watch him sleep, he’ll love that!