I, for some reason, signed up for a Hell Run next month. Over 3 miles, with something like a dozen obstacle courses. I should probably look up the details or train or something. I currently run or do the elliptical about five days a week so I’m sure I’ll be fine. I also drink and the drinking is a great way to preserve my organs, plus flush my system out regularly.
I realized this race is coming up soon, so I have to fatten up my lady because I can’t lose to a woman. I am man, damnit! I conquer worlds (in video games)! I build things (like my drinking game washer boards…it took me two hours to pull that one off)! I am tough (I fell asleep on the floor watching the Olympics and couldn’t sit upright for three days)! Now that I think about it, I fell down the last two times I went to the movies. My back slipped out once jogging with my dog. I pulled my groin running to first in field three softball slow pitch this year. Well, that settles it. I am going full Tonya Harding. If she gets a lead, I’m going for the knee. Does anyone know where I can score some HGH?