I had a surprise package when I got home tonight. A chainsaw. I didn’t realize it, but I accidentally clicked on the wrong tab on my banking site, probably because I was half in the bag. This led to the discovery I had about 36,000 unclaimed points on my card. The choices were fascinating – a gift card to one of nine places I hadn’t ever shopped or ate at, a deep fryer or an electric chainsaw. Being a practical man, and huge fan of Jesse James Dupree from Jackyl, I got the ‘saw.
My girlfriend was beside herself with glee as I told her all the fun I would have with my new toy, such as practicing wood carvings on the trees in her yard. I’ll start with a statue of myself riding a bald eagle with twin uzis, then it’s all naked chicks and maybe a wooden Conan the Barbarian. She’s a lucky woman, that’s for sure. That’s about it, the only other things you can do with a chainsaw are play the chainsaw riff from a couple Jackyl songs (yes, there are more than one) or dismember bodies. Luckily for everyone, I think I’ll work on the Lumberjack riff. As Mr. Dupree says, I ain’t jacked my lumber baby, since my chainsaw you.