My photo shoot

I am going to be featured in Columbus Alive!, a local publication as one of five featured comics.  It’s nice to be noticed and I am a whore for attention, so of course I agreed.  We just did the photo shoot and it was terrifying.  I am not a fan of posing for pictures – I can’t smile.  I know this is weird, since I do comedy, but I cannot smile without looking like someone is pointing a rifle at me and saying, “Smile or die!”  I more grimace, if I had to put words to it.

This harkens back to elementary school, when Mom would tell me not to get dirty or have a milk chugging contest for picture day.  I did anyways, but I was eight, what do you want from me?  The photographer had a great idea – just laugh!  I can do that more easily than fake smile, so I told horrible stories of drunks and degeneracy from my dark mind and the “smiles” flowed like a river.  I was in full BS mode when I realized she snapped one where I was holding out my fingers like I was describing penis length.  “Please don’t use that one.”  She agreed, so we’ll see…

My OCD took over and I picked at a little piece of loose skin, which made my pinky bleed.  Hopefully that gets photo shopped out, since I was wearing my usual fine dark grey plain t-shirt.  Plain tee, check.  Glazed over eyes with dark circles and bags, check.  Fresh blood, check.  Ladies and gentlemen, Chris Coen, Columbus’s finest homeless comedian!