Me and my comedy pal Bob Cook were on “Good Day Columbus” to promote the Julie Speer benefit show Monday morning. I was a little nervous, one because I knew I had to be squeaky clean and two because I’m so good looking, I was worried the hosts would fawn over me like a fat kid praises a candy bar on his birthday. We weren’t really prepped, which makes sense as we doing a three minute spot. Not exactly pulling all resources in…
We were ready to roll, when one of the hosts asked what it was like living in L.A. Hmmm…I’ve never been to California… I was dumbfounded when Bob said, “Yeah!” Here we go! He made a joke about living under a bridge, I tried to make a reference to being from Zanesville. Undaunted, she then bulldozed the point and asked us more about L.A. Now it’s getting awkward.
A few more L.A. retorts and then they asked us about Scientology and TomKat, of which I care nothing about. We plowed through and then got to the guts of the benefit show. Finally, a little structure! The credits were rolling when one of the hosts said, “I may go!” The other – “Yeah, could be fun!” As the details went up on the screen, Cali Lady said, “I’m not going.” Thanks for the support, Hanoi Jane. Unbeknowest to the audience, Bob started rubbing my shoulder as I caressed his thigh. When in doubt, go for heteros acting gay. It was over before it started. Well, back to L.A. for me. I have some power deals and scripts to peruse. Columbus clearly isn’t ready for Hollywood Coen.