Upon entering the main area, I noticed a stage for the main perk – a concert by Tone Loc! (You know, Funky Cold Medina and Wild Thing…from 1989ish?) They also had a beer station and food vendors. What food? Obviously a burrito cart and coffee stand, because nothing goes great pre-race like a 1600 calories of grease washed down with caffeine.
A lot of people dressed up also. I saw a ton of super heroes, movie characters and cartoon types, but the clear winner was a guy and his girlfriend in full He-Man and She-Ra outfits. He even had the awful fur speedo thing He-Man wore, which was frightening to even glance at, but it was pretty authentic. By the power of Greyskull, I unleash my beanbag!
Then came my turn. This part sucked the worst. We filed in like animals to a human corral and were blasted by the sounds of Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. Nothing says storm the gates of Hell like Teenage Dream, after all. More of a stab in the balls was the megaphone pump you up guy. I wanted to run just to not have to listen to him anymore. He had the strip club announcer cadence and worked “hell” into everything like Smurfs use smurf. “Hey there, hellians! Give me a hell yeah! Are you ready for some Tone Loc? Give me another hell yeah!” Give me a stick to jam in my eardrum. One for you and one for Bad Romance. That’s better.