The wedding crasher

I have been to 52 weddings, 53 is tomorrow.  This is not normal, but I know a lot of people.  There is nothing lamer than a dry reception.  I will not speak of this.  I have been a best man twice, given three best man speeches (long story, but the best man had the oratory skills of a dog turd), a groomsman ten times, and taken off my shirt at three weddings.  My favorite moment was when I sang “Total Eclipse of the Heart” at a winery in SE Ohio (sadly, I have done this twice, not surprisingly, in SE Ohio).  My least fav was when someone actually taped me dancing at a wedding.  I was so embarrased I gave up drinking for almost 36 hours.  Only like 10 of these 52 weddings have ended in divorce, so I feel like I am a bastion of romance.  When you think of everlasting love and full life committment, think of Chris Coen.  Drunk.  With a wife beater.  Yelling offensive comments to your grandma.  Dancing with scotch on his shirt.  Let’s start a family, America.