I was headlining a show last week. It was supposed to start at eight, but no one was there except a German soccer player and the bartenders. This is always a great sign for a good night o’ laughs! Eventually, about 12 people were there, so it looked like go time. Yet another delay, though, as the drunkest couple I’ve ever seen showed up. They tried to get them to leave. They were dancing, not well by the way, and making out viciously. At one point, the chick, who I thought had a bum leg, stumbled up to the bar and demanded her and her winner of a boyfriend got to get onstage. They were denied, so went back to PDA. I quit watching when he started rubbing her button publicly.
Show started at nine. One guy decided to yell out something everytime the feature said anything at all. Then the four ADD girls to the left of the stage got up, all at once to smoke, making a hell of a racket doing so. By the time I got up, there were five people left. One chick got up FIVE TIMES during my 50 minute set. Her dude only got up two times, you think he would have passed some manners along…oh wait, he made a cell phone call during one of my jokes.
There is nothing more demoralizing than knowing no matter what you do, no one gives a shit. At one point, a girl complained that I looked at my watch. Just counting down the seconds until this show is over or I start shooting, stupid. Luckily, I was paid in cash, which covered my fantasy football leagues’ entry fees. Excellent.