Another year in the books, as they say (no one says that). The worst thing about getting older is the gifts. As a kid, you get toys, video games, candy and maybe once, some lame ass gets you something practical, for which you shun them until the next year. It’s like the old lady that passed out pennies on trick or treat. Someone wants toilet papered tonight!
Sadly, you get more and more practical gifts the older you get. Even more sadly, you need them. Here’s a blanket! “Actually, I needed one to match the couch…NOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I’m boring!!! It’s over.” My favorite gift? Money. Why? You can’t screw it up. Straight cash, homey. Plus, you can’t put vagina in a box, am I right? (Gunshot) I will also take a winning powerball ticket. You would never hear from my happy ass again, except when Coen Brewing Company came out. The factory would look like Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory meets a Disturbed album cover.