Notes from my niece’s dance recital

– When three year olds can’t dance, why must they make them sing also?  It sounds like an angry mob of toddlers, but with sequins.

– This music is all remakes of the real versions.  And I thought comedy was lowly job to have.  What do you do?  I sang a hip hop version of “Viva Las Vegas” for a seven year old dance team.  Next month we’re redoing a snappy version of “It’s My Party.”

– Someone just yelled “Work it!” to a three year old girl.  This is disturbing.

– The young ones mostly stink and the 14 and ups make me feel like a perv.  This is a no win.

– White dance teachers shouldn’t teach white kids hip hop.  The shiny silver caps aren’t helping toss out a hip hop vibe.

– Now girls are dancing to “Lollipop” the old version.  Thanks Lil Wayne for ruining this song for millions of innocent youths.

– Seriously, old people.  The recital has been on for 17 minutes and you have to go to the bathroom?  Wear a diaper next time and quit bumping into me.

– My niece is so much better than the hack next to her, I almost feel bad.

– Strip clubs have ruined half these outfits, although I didn’t think so at the time.  Even worse is the announcer – he sounds like an Andy Griffin version of a strip club DJ.  He is too excited to be here.