Apparently, I was way different at 15

I was playing a stupid game and one of my FB friends IM’d me.  I hadn’t talked to this guy since the mid-90’s.  Small talk…a lot of “ha ha’s” and “what are you up to’s”.  Basic small talk.  He then told me I probably heard he was gay.  No, I didn’t get the memo – but congrats (?)  Then he asked if I was married.  I kind of saw where this was going…  Next he asked if I was gay.  I encourage anyone under the strain of hiding something coming out and being comfortable with themselves.  That said…me?  Gay?

I have never had this asked to me before, but I’ll give you some background.  I had a bisexual guy tell me once I would win a “straight off” contest, whatever that means.  I’m not saying tone of voice matters, but my voice sounds like The Hulk having sex with a grizzly bear while Hank Williams Jr. is singing in the background.  Not much for fashion, I wear plain t-shirts and jeans all the time.  I don’t use hair product.  I hate dancing, unless I’m really drunk.  I drink beer at nice restaurants you’re supposed to drink wine at because I don’t drink wine.  I don’t wear pastel colors.  I have filled so many stereotypes of straight guys I should carry a club and drag chicks by their hair back to my cave.

Then after all this blather, I realized he hadn’t talked to me since probably 1994.  I probably hadn’t went through full puberty and he’s using Appalachian gaydar on me – probably not the best gaydar to use.  Also, hatred of ex-girlfriends should not be confused with sexual orientation.  I wasn’t offended, just confused (not that type of confused, LOL).  Perhaps my pre-puberty self didn’t exhude all this alpha male you see now.  Or I had a lot of panache for a high school freshman, what with my Starter jacket and black tennis shoes.  Maybe it was all those gay bands I listened to, like Pantera and GNR.  Lastly, suppose the fact that I didn’t understand women at 15 – oh wait, I still don’t and no man does.  Whatever.  Now excuse me while I do something manly, like eat a lion and shit bald eagles.