I’m not old yet, but some things are getting to me. The best thing I ever heard was my buddy said, “Getting old sucks.” Another guy, older, at the bar said, “You’re not old!” My buddy replied, “Well this is the oldest I’ve ever been, so suck it.” That puts it into perspective.
I only (so far) lament two things. I am going blind and it is an inevitable fact, I will have a nasty bald spot. Knees hurt? I can deal with that. Harder to shake the fast food lbs.? No problem. Can’t sleep well? Whatever, sleep is for the weak. Dribble after peeing? OK, that sucks too. What in the name of God is that all about? I need a zip tie sometimes.
Seriously, though, my eyesight is fading faster than Lindsay Lohan’s career. Five years ago, I could read anything. Now, I can’t read texts on my phone or menus without a light source. I have to wear reading glasses when I get online. Plus, my hair is thick, wavy, and awesome. I checked the mirror the other day and realized I have about two years at most and I have a serious problem. Look at my picture! I can’t have hair like that with a shining sun of scalp just hanging around, eating up my dignity. Ironically, my ass is hairier than a grizzly’s chest. Thus my high school nickname, “The Bear.” The human body sucks.