I was picking up a rental car a couple days ago and it was a situation that instantly brought rage. The A/C was set on broil, there was a huge green fly – the kind you see on dog shit – buzzing around me, and some guy brought in his three kids under six. The older girl was fine, but heathen one was running around ducking into offices, causing the already unmotivated rental clerk unnecessary pauses which were more maddening with every bead of sweat running down my back. Then the youngest (with no shoes on, of course) started shaking the candy machine and screaming because no free candy was coming out. At that moment, I decided my life’s goal is to invent a toddler shock collar, like the ones that people use for yappy dogs. FDA approved, of course. I smiled and looked around for a recipient to my witty idea, but the gentleman to my left was putting a huge dip of snuff in his cheek and it was sloppily falling on his sleeveless shirt. The moment was gone forever.
PS – As I type this, some idiot in the next hotel room is loudly clapping exactly four times everytime the Heat score and yelling “WTF” at the TV every time the Mavs score. This has been going on for 45 minutes and is showing no signs of stopping. There are less than ten cars in the parking lot and four floors, each with 40 rooms. And she is next to my room. Message received, God, message received.