Author: Chris

I did a “benny” which is a benefit show where you get nothing but some kind of moral reprieve for so called good works.  It was for Toys for Tots.  Outside the show a military man who just got out of basic started a conversation with me.  He is being deployed to Afghanistan in the spring, but he asked why I was at the show.  I told him I was a comic.  He then said, “Comedians do a great service to our country.”  He was serious.  I love the military, but I know a lot of comics/drunks/drug addicts/degenerates/unemployed/neurotics and the last thing I would tout is a comedian’s intrinsic value to the fabric of American society.  Heads up, people.  No one gets into comedy for service, we get into it b/c we are psychos who have a craving for attention/laughter for a variety of poor reasons.  Thanks for the compliment, but you boys are the heroes.  I found a way to paid on occasion to drink cialis overnight shipping beer.  You win.

I’ve had about enough of Hollywood and their degenerate movies.  Coming out soon is the movie “Black Swan”, a thriller that features a torrid love scene between Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman.  Two women.  What kind of morally decrepit freak could endure such unnatural passion between a dark-eyed, raven haired, full lipped young actress and another actress with perfect skin, dangerously cialis tablets 5mg young looking innocence and with an equally flawless body.  Two confused yet curious females, exploring the dangers of forbidden fruit…I for one, put my foot down!  And my $9 for another ticket.  But only for research purposes!

I had the annual “Did you put your Christmas tree up?” conversation with my Mom today.  No, it is buried in a plastic container in my storage area.  Of course, I have this discussion every year with the same results.  I don’t hate Christmas, but why put up a fake tree?  So my dog can 24 hour cialis potentially urinate on it?  Perhaps to entertain the one guest I have over every other month?  Plus I may be bitter.  My birthday is December 15th.  One year my Grandma got me a toy on my birthday.  My Christmas gift?  Batteries for said toy.  Hard to compete with Jesus for birthdays.  It would be like arguing how good I was in high school football with Jim Brown.  “Well, sir, did you have six pancake blocks against the West Muskingum Tornadoes?  That’s what I thought, shitbag!”

I did a trivia w/ a group cialis how long to take effect tonight.  I have done this several times.  Three worst things – 1) The person who contributes nothing before the team submits a wrong answer, but is an expert after the fact.  “You know, I knew it was that.”  Shut it zero.  2) The instant expert.  “Well Bob here watched a TV show once of machines, so he knows how many ice cream sandwiches can be made in an hour at full production.”  3) The skeptic.  Our question one time was when did the Battle of Wounded Knee occur?  I said, being a former president of the national history honorary in college, 1890.  “Are you sure?”  My answer: Well, the Sun Dance movement was the final native religious movement in American history.  It caused the military to suspect an uprising among the reservations.  Also, it was the last major “conflict” between America and Indians as they turned a gatling gun on unarmed Indians.  “Are you sure?”  YES I’M SURE, YOU DUNCE!  Beyond that, trivia is awesome.  Enjoy.

The latest TSA best prices on cialis “groin check” controversy is annoying; especially b/c pilots are getting patted down also.  Why would a pilot bring a bomb onto a plane?  “My wife left me, I lost my house…I want to kill everyone on this flight.  How can I do this?  If only I had a bomb – damn TSA!”  This is on the same level as the “No firearms in this business” signs that would keep exactly no one from gunning down everyone.

This day was chosen b/c of the armistice for WWI, one of the most underrated horrible wars of all time, where the tactics didn’t match the technology.  Our doughboys went over the top in fruitless charges into machine gun fire, then retreated into trenches with rot, rats, poison gas, and the constant shelling that led to “shell shock”, the old timey phrase for PTSD.  We honor our vets this day – I saw an ad in my paper from a woman to her dad today.  She said that her father only saw her in a pic her Mom sent in WWII, then he was killed at the Rhine river at the end of the campaign against the dirty Nazis.  Yet, she was not bitter.  She said to her father, “We will see each other in heaven to make up for the lost time.”  Why do we fight other countries?  America is the great experiment.  Although by modern standards, we had slaves, women couldn’t vote, we oppressed Indians – the fact remains that the history of the world is oppression.  We didn’t do everything right or quickly, but we laid a foundation to do everything right.  Before America, no commoner could vote.  No man could purchase private property unless one the elite.  Slavery was worldwide and unfortunately, still is.  Governments dicatated religion.   Monarchs called the shots for our lives from cradle to grave.  Then came America.  Flawed?  Yes.  Yet it remains the beacon of individualism and liberty.  You don’t like our slavery past?  600,000 men fell to defeat it on our own soil.  Do you think we have oppressed countries?  In the USSR, Stalin killed 20 million (maybe more) of his own citizens to impose his dictatorial regime.  Look up Mao Zedong and Pol Pot while you’re at it.  A popular Latin sublingual cialis saying was “Man is a wolf to man.”  Despite this, we live in a country where dreams still live and thrive.  Now you can live and thrive based on your drive, not your choice of church or race or sexual orientation or sex or fill in the blank.  This is greatly due to our veterans.  They didn’t sit around and drink beer, tea, etc. and discuss ideas.  They fought, they died, they sacrificed for the greater good of liberty.  My own father was a forward observer for the 101st Airborne – the man that replaced him in Nam was killed w/n a week of my Dad leaving that pit.  “The only death a democracy can die is by its own hand.” – Thomas Jefferson.  No one will ever overturn this grand experiment except us.  “Freedom is never more than one generation from extinction.  We didn’t pass it on to our children in our bloodstream.  It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same.”  – Ronald Reagan.  God bless our vets and God bless America.  (PS – my act is actually funny, not dead serious like this)