Day 4 of my vacation started with severe cramping of the calf muscles. The best part of waking up…is having punishing spasms in an 82 tent at 8 am after drinking for 14 hours the day before. Sadly, my party was over. I got into the car and drove back to my parents’ house to sleep and pick up Stringbean (my Golden Retriever). I drank six bottles of water, two pops, and a Gatorade while watching the US women blow the championship between real crime TV (I love watching cops catch murderers.)
What’s the worst thing I could have done at that point? That’s right, kids – go to alumni football practice when it’s over 90 degrees with over 80% humidity! I sweat so much doing agility drills I was light headed. I play offensive line – why in the hell was I doing backpedal drills? Also, we ran pass plays and I snapped (I’m a 195 lb. center) the ball. Apparently, I am rather rusty, b/c on the first snap I hit myself in the balls so bad I almost went to one knee. Either that, or my balls are sinking faster than the Titanic. After 45 snaps, I only hit my nuts four more times. Glory days are back again! San Dimas high school football rules! (Bill and Ted reference). Vacation over.
Is the beer you drink reinforced with Calcium? If it’s not, I predict no more than 2 broken bones for you during the alumni football game. I hope you have good health insurance. Knibb High football rules! (Billy Madison reference.)