This is my annual trip, I’ve only missed one since 2004. It is a four day country festival – I had only heard of about 30% of the lineup…I don’t go for the music. It is basically a sun-baked drunkfest full of hillbillies. Like this guy.
- Captain America’s drunk uncle
The first day is interesting b/c tents are set up by people too poor for air conditioned camping (like me). Tents are little incubators that are hotter than Hell’s oven. Day one is when everyone is well rested, not sunburnt, and full of gusto. It is also the day the liquor comes out. Moonshine, apple pie (a delicious mix of 151, apple cider, cinammon, and some other evil stuff), and straight bourbon shots. It quickly erases your good feeling when day two rolls in. The key to day one? Stay alive, sneak a water or two when your buddies aren’t ready to lob insults at you for being a pussy, and most importantly, have a BM beforehand so you can delay the Port a Let shit (hopefully) until at least day three. Oh, and there’s some country music. I had only heard of the headliner and I didn’t make it to the end of her set.
Once back in the campgrounds, I realized I needed food. I found a pulled pork sandwich that was just awful. Amazingly, I walked right past a tent that had, no b/s, naked bull riding (women only, thank God) to punch a punching bag machine some carny had set up. The first shot I missed so badly, I hit it with my elbow. Still $2 is cheaper than what I may have thrown around at the naked bull riding tent. I did however, manage to somehow bump the valve on my air mattress, which went completely flat during my slumber, ruining my lower back for day 2. More on that later…