Having a child is a magical experience. Rewarding, fulfilling, and incredible…usually. The other night my wife wanted me to put air in the tires of our new fancy jogging stroller. Why was there no air in the tires when we got it? No idea. Last I checked, air doesn’t weigh very much. So it was decided I could get a lovely jog in and fill the tires. Multi-tasking!
I began running with our new stoller, aka half a day’s pay, when I realized they don’t roll that well with flat tires. Or when you’re horribly out of shape. I got there and prepared to air the tires. I looked – how much is air these days? Surely a quarter at most. HOW ABOUT A DOLLAR. Well, I’ll be damned, I grabbed 75 cents. Son of a bitch.
Luckily, I watched an episode of Extreme Cheapskates once and there was a guy who used to dig for change around payphones. I started scrounging around in the dirt and cigarette butts. Oh blessings of liberty, I found a quarter! I have a rare skin disease, probably, but I have the quarter! I popped them in and stuck the nozzle on the tire. The tire valve immediately sunk into the tire. It was impossible to put air in tire. Ah, that’s terrific. And then the pump closed off after two minutes, not four. Mocking me with its silence.
I pushed the flat tired stroller back, in the dark, while two guys that looked like they from Sons of Anarchy stared me down while curse words poured from my mouth. I’m sure the rest of the week will go well – I highly doubt some toy manufacturer put five screws in the battery case. Who would do that and ruin my week? OH WAIT THEY ALL DO AND YOU NEED A SCREWDRIVER THE SIZE OF A SPAGHETTI NOODLE.