I love football. NFL, college – I even checked my high school team’s scores each week. I even used to watch the XFL and Arena League. Unfortunately, like all great things, it comes with a bag of horribles.
The commercials are straight up awful. Not only am I not buying seven cars, ad execs, I’m not basing my decision on a car that can get me “into the end zone of life” or whatever shitty sports tie in you came up with. The breast cancer awareness is cool to a point, but a league that fines players thousands for having socks that are two inches off the mark encouraging them to wear pink shoes, wristbands, facemasks, jock straps and mouthpieces for a month? It’s pandering. Stop it.
The worst thing about football, whether it’s college or pro, without a doubt is the pregame music. I grew very tired of Hank Jr. singing All My Rowdy Friends with an obligatory lyric change to reflect that week’s matchup, but I was used to it. There is no way in hell though, that I’m buying that Carrie Underwood has been “waitin’ all day for Sunday night.” I don’t think Big and Rich were really coming to my city to watch Ohio State and Hawaii. Don’t get me started on the year Santana kept popping on the screen playing that same stupid riff each week. Does anyone sit down, on the fence about whether to check out the Steelers vs. Colts and need the song to push them over the edge? “I’m either watching this, or I’m yelling obscenities at the neighbor kids for walking on my lawn. Wait a minute, this singin’ lady has been waitin’ all day for Sunday night! I better check this one out! I’ll deal with you whippersnappers later!”
If they start incorporating Star Wars backup dancers, I’m going to sue NBC for emotional damages and being extreme mega douches. My luck, Kelly Clarkson would burst into song just before the hearing and my brain would explode.