I don’t really drink wine. I have drank wine, usually when the beer runs out at a party and someone carelessly left their box of Franzia unguarded. As wedding duty calls, though, we have to pick a wine and decided to have a tasting with some of my fiancee’s pals that drink it. Here’s what I found out.
1) You’re supposed to buy cheese to eat. I got online to see what kinds go with what and in typical snooty wine drinker fashion, most of the websites couldn’t give a straight answer. It was more like “Pick a double creme cheese that matches the aromatic vibe of the wine” or “The deep earthy flavor is best matched with a sharp, bold cheese.” In other words, now the snobs were mocking my lack of cheese knowledge too. I dug deeper and found one chart that told me what to get. FYI – cheese is more expensive than gold per ounce. Holy hell, I assumed from the price that the stuff was wrapped in lottery tickets.
2) I thought there were a lot of beers out there, especially now that there is a brewery in every zip code. There were about 300 wines in each section. Some are $6, others are $60 per bottle, some were more but I was afraid to touch them. This is going to take a while. Remind me to open a cheese and wine store in the future. I think I could retire in four months with $60 wines going off the shelf.
3) I still don’t prefer wine, but I’ll give it one advantage. I tasted wines for hours before I remotely had to pee. If I drink beer, I have to make water every 14 minutes. In fairness, beer doesn’t make it look like my gums are bleeding. Well, unless I drink too much and someone punches me in the mouth.
All in all, it went well enough and I like wine more than I thought. Don’t count on seeing me at my next comedy show with a nice Cab, swirling and sniffing with each drink. “This? I never thought you’d ask. This is a lovely Bud Light. It’s a American lager, with a clean, crisp finish.”