I did a small town show last weekend. There was unnecessary excitement, as I got there way too early and decided to relax in my car for 30 minutes. The problem? Apparently you can’t listen to the radio, run the A/C and charge a phone without killing your battery. I had to get a jump from some of the patrons. I got a jump, they got complimentary beer coozies. Everyone wins.
I have a joke where I ask the crowd if they’ve ever been drunk and seen something so messed up it sobered them up instantly. I usually get a few nods and murmurs, but that’s the extent. Usually. An older man approached me after the show and decided to tell me his story in front of his very not interested in the story wife.
He proceeded to tell me he went to a farm in Iowa. Upon getting out of the car, he saw a naked fat man chasing a naked fat woman across the yard, both disappearing into the cornfield. His wife’s face soured with each word, by the way. He then told me he went to sleep (passed out, I love when people deny that they passed out). Upon awakening, he stumbled into a room to look for his buddy and walked in on a legless drunk man having nasties with a morbidly obese woman. The door opening startled the legless man, who fell off the bed and couldn’t get back up. He said it sobered him up instantly.
I am pretty sure his wife left him sometime on Sunday after telling that story, but I just wonder how one winds up a party like that or stayed past the first part. Watching naked people run through cornfields is a bad start to any social gathering, generally. Think I’m wrong? Go back to the last party in your head. Now remove the clothes from the people there. Exactly. I’m right.