I went to a wedding last weekend. It was the shortest Catholic wedding I’ve ever been to, which means it was still 30 minutes longer than any non-Catholic wedding I’ve been to. There sure is a lot of sitting, kneeling, and standing, says hacky 80’s clean comedian! On a side note, the priest mentioned them having babies and starting a family about 17 times, reinforcing a lot of stereotypes. That, or the grandparents to be slipped him a $20 bill to drop some hints.
I was very glad that the couple didn’t smash cake in each other’s faces. That move lost its shock factor sometime around the fourth wedding I went to. Now if they jammed prime rib in each other’s grills, I would applaud the originality. I also must use this forum to call out the assholes that tap their glasses. The couple kisses…then there are always about one or two douchebags that have to ding their glasses every minute and a half like they want to see a high school make out session. Calm down, pervs, how about you let them eat their salads before you call for smoochies? More importantly, how about I enjoy my seventh Maker’s and coke without the deafening tinging of glasses two feet behind me? Of course, if they gave shots everytime, I would be hitting glasses like Keith Moon.