I did a show Saturday, last minute. I had just got home from the day’s errands when my phone rang. It was my pal, comedian Bob Cook. He called me at 5:50 – the headliner for his show had just pulled out due to a death in the family. Show was at eight, they needed me to sub in – 90 minutes away. I showered and flew out the door, making it in at 7:30. Pretty damn impressive, if I say so myself. There was no one there.
Eventually, 12 people showed up and the manager was losing his mind, it was their first show ever. A couple walked in when I was at the bar and he approached me, saying, “They’re thinking about watching the show…so can you…?” Me: “Huh?” Him: “You know, talk to them?” This is going to be awkward…I told them Bob was great, dropped his credentials, and then stared at them with the “Aw, c’mon!” face. They left. (They came back later, the magic show across the street must have been less appealing).
Then I was asked to apologize that the headliner they came to see wasn’t there once I got up. This is weird also. “Sorry, everyone (all dozen of you), I’m not the guy. Sorry to let you down with my mundane existence.” Does a backup running back have to apologize if the starter gets hurt? “Hey fanbase, I suck, but you’re stuck with my bag of shit skills. Try to not kill yourselves. Who’s excited for football?”
The show went well, all things considered, but these chicks asked me for free shirts after the show. I was so defeated, I gave them shirts for beers if they promised to check out the site. If they don’t, I wish a leprosy hex on them. I must have been buzzing, b/c I will never do that again. The balls on these broads… Oh well, let’s hope the check clears or I may have get my conceal and carry next week.