Apparently, I still have a blog. Welcome to parenting! While I have written in the past that the worst part of being a comedian is other comedians (recently confirmed yet again when I found a comic trashed a hotel room, meaning a club doesn’t offer one now to traveling comics), this about something everyone can understand in the non comedy world- Fans. Pick a topic, politics, sports or music and the worst part is often the fans. You can literally point to any political topic and find the inverse with different parties with about seconds of internet browsing. Since I’m not mouthwatering insane, I’ll stick to music for this blog.
I have liked heavy metal since…well pretty much the first time I heard it. It’s not for everyone. I get that, as much as I would love to flip on the radio and hear Judas Priest or Megadeth, there is almost zero chance. I deal with it. Although MGK or Demi Lovato music makes me want to jam ice picks into my ear canal, it’s more friendly to the ear and people are stupid, so I get it. I’m a realist. However, within my subset of music lies the most frustrating fan base I can imagine. Metal fans have been arguing about Metallica since 1991. 1) They sold out I HATE EVERYTHING THEY’VE DONE NOW 2) Well maybe but have YOU SOLD MILLIONS OF ALBUMS??? 3) THEY CAN DO NO WRONG YOUR WRONG KILL YOURSELF. (Yes, I spelled you’re wrong, just to capture the magic). Fast forward 31 years and this issue is no closer to resolution than the Gordian knot being untied.
Metal fans argue black metal vs. death metal, groove vs. trash, grindcore vs. deathcore (they both suck, fixed that argument), blah blah blah. It again boils down to who cares? Enjoy what you will. I hate pop. I don’t go around screaming at teenagers. Well, not for music – just if THEY’RE ON MY LAWN!!! Metal fans also love to yell into the wind about who is the better fan by quizzing people “WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE THREE SONGS BY THE BAND??!!!” when they see someone rocking a shirt, rather than “Hey, that’s cool. Can we discuss what album we like best?” God forbid.
My favorite band that really took me to mach speed on metal was Pantera. I won’t bore everyone that can’t name one of their songs with tales of metal lore, but they are the only band I’ve ever been at the record store on day one to buy their stuff. Yes, they used to have record stores…that sold CD’s. Yes, CD’s were real. Anyhoo, the two remaining members announced they are going to tour again in 2023 and play songs. This is significant for a few reasons. They haven’t played since 2001. Their lead guitarist was killed onstage in another band in 2004, then his brother died many years later. It was horrible and traumatic and depressed the crap out of me. Twice.
That said, I saw the news – the singer and bass player, plus two really close friends filling in on guitar and drums on tour…playing songs I haven’t seen live since 2000 at Ozzfest. I’m in. Then I clicked the comments. Internet dregs screaming at each other that it was a money grab. So the guys that are still alive should never make money ever again? Off the songs they helped write? OK, cool. I agree – that means we can’t support any band without the original lineup. Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, KISS, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Slayer, Alice In Chains, Foo Fighters….should I keep going? How dumb.
To be fair, the band wasn’t getting along when they were “on a break” but I’M THE BIGGEST FAN AND I’LL BE DAMNED I ENJOY SOMETHING NOT 100% LIKE I HEARD IN HIGH SCHOOL!!!! (Even though the guitar tech signed on, the guitar player touring was Dimebag from Pantera’s best friend, his long term girlfriend and estate heir approved…etc. etc. etc. You get it. BUT JERRY IN ABILENE SAYS NO! WE CAN NEVER ENJOY ANYTHING EVER AGAIN! Well, Jerry, stuff it, because I’m going, mostly to hear Dime’s riffs and Vinnie’s drums for the first time since I was 21 years old and if you don’t like, go back to mom’s basement and shove your 25 year old burnt CD collection up your poopshoot. Far Beyond Driven, to the layman. Getcha pull.
