Top five worst things about Christmas:
5: Shopping for older relatives. “What do you need?” “Oh nothing.” “Great, thanks for the tip, since you literally own everything you’ve ever wanted in 54 years.”
4: Parking. It’s cold, it’s nuts and you don’t want to be there, but seven other numbnuts are driving in circles too, waiting to win the “I need something from the mall, too” lottery.
3: Bad Christmas music aka that dumb hippo song, Simply having a wonderful Christmastime and modern remakes. LEAVE NAT KING COLE ALONE TAYLOR SWIFT. PUT DOWN THE CHRISTMAS SONG AND BACK AWAY SLOWLY.
2: Traveling in bad weather with kids. Single Chris needs to travel in the snow and ice? Better grab a hat. With kids and family? 45 minutes of prep work just for boots and snacks.
1: When Christmas is on a Wednesday and it ruins your bonus day off work.
BEST FIVE:
5: Christmas cookies.
4: The food, usually. “Oh, no, don’t bother with that casserole, we have plenty to eat!” (If she brings that casserole, let the dog eat it off your plate when no one is looking. What do you mean the dog won’t eat it either?)
3: Good Christmas songs. Even the ones without words, like the Charlie Brown one. I love that song and if you disagree we will fight after school.
2: Seeing family. Bonus if your family pounds Old Milwaukee and gambles.
1: Watching kids open presents. This is the best and makes me feel like the Grinch when his heart grows. They usually meltdown later and cancel it out when they’re exhausted, but that’s what spiked Egg Nog is for, which is 1A.