Last week I saw a clickbait story about a Domino’s that saved a customer’s life. I’m sadly likely to read a lot of those stories, so I clicked. A Domino’s customer in Oregon ordered every single day for years, then just stopped ordering. The store tried calling, then after 11 days, sent someone over. The TV was on, but no one answered – they called the cops and the guy had a stroke, but was still alive. It saved his life. Nice story, over and above service…then the internet took over and ruined my limited faith in humanity.
“Why didn’t they check sooner?” one lady typed. Hm, I don’t know dummy. Do you track each and every one of your customers? How many haven’t ordered for 2 or more days? Don’t know? MURDERER!!! Also, ever heard of vacation? Do you share your vaca plans with your local pizza shop? Nope, sure don’t. Not unless you’re a lonely, lonely sap.
“It was probably the pizza that killed him.” Probably a comment from someone who drinks every night or smokes 4 packs a day. Yes, pizza kills every day. That’s why it’s regulated by the FDA. Oh, it’s not. You’re an ass.
Then of course, I saw a “work from home” post, which has that ever worked? Someone dives into the morass of comment world, then clicks on a repeating comment for their career choice? “Where’d you get your job?” “Well, I was about to shit on Domino’s for saving a guy because they should be delivering kale chips, sure they’d go out of business, but then the darnedest thing – I got a job selling timeshares working from home!” Actually, that would make sense. Probably did go down like that.
In summation, if you chose to crap all over a restaurant that single-handedly saved a customer’s life, I hope you order all your meals from internet commenters like yourself. When you have a stroke and lie dying on your floor, alone, the best you can hope for is for someone to come over and mock your food decisions and leave an unwarranted yelp review of your living room. Then I’ll comment how they should have done it sooner.