Last week was Thanksgiving, which according to some on my Facebook is now some genocide day. What I thought previously is that it was a day to eat and eat and eat and argue about who is taking what leftovers and post what you’re thankful for on social media, but it’s a Turkey murder celebration day or you support ethnic cleansing now, so sayeth the Internet, so you’re all going to fake hell. Actually, no one thinks of Pilgrims except elementary school art teachers making hats, but whatever.
The real affront holiday is Black Friday. At most 9-5 jobs, the only two day block of days off you get the entire year (including Christmas) is murder feast day and Black Friday. Why you would spend the day getting up at 3 am to camp out in 25 degrees only to bum rush a Wal-Mart and get arrested punching a soccer mom to save 50% on a Playstation is beyond me.
Since all these days are evil and stuff on the Internet is a fart in the wind, I am officially declaring that we as a society need to rethink and reconfigure our November. We need two days off every single week until we agree on what direction to go moving forward. “Why do we only get one day for Veteran’s Day?” Exactly – two days off. “Why do people fight over Black Friday sales?” You are on it! TWO DAYS OFF SO THERE’S MORE TIME TO SHOP! “Why do we kill turkeys?” Finally, someone is looking out for the turkeys who have contributed so much to our society – we need a day of beef also. Just trying to help. Don’t bother me after Wednesday this week, it’s still November and I need more time to reflect.