1) During winter, the average time spent talking about winter with other people is 500% more than all the other seasons combined.
2) Winter doesn’t begin until my nose is full of more boogers than a preschool class at 2 pm. Seriously, I can’t breathe right now. What is going on with my sinuses?
3) I’ve been sick about 50 times in my life. 48.5 of those times were during winter.
4) Once New Year’s is over, the next major holiday (I mean time off work holiday, not the others) is Memorial Day, where we honor the fallen military heroes. THANKS WINTER. CAN’T GET A DAY FOR OL’ ABE AND GW’S BDAY? ST. PATTY’S? V-DAY? EASTER? (It’s on Sunday…oh wait) GOOD FRIDAY? MAY DAY? OTHER HOLIDAYS?
5) Mowing the lawn is at least fifteen times better than shoveling snow, even if you have allergies. How many people die drinking a beer and mowing the grass? None. Shoveling snow? Hundreds every year.
6) Potholes are worse in winter. I found this out when I hit one a few years back and it cost me $800.
In summation, I didn’t even mention the cold weather and we can all agree winter sucks all the ass. The only solution is buy aerosol cans in bulk at Sam’s Club and spray them into the atmosphere until global warming accelerates and dinosaurs are running down my street in Ohio. Who’s with me?