It’s 2016, so my average day includes work, parenting, husbanding and the normal functions of life. Oh and deleting seventy-six emails a day. “Why don’t you unsubscribe?” Because my eyesight is bad and my phone isn’t one of those tablet sizes. Here’s my favorite ones from this week.
Sears/Craftsman rewards update. I bought a new fridge and these sons of bitches email me like I need a new refrigerator every six and a half days. If my fridge dies before it’s paid off, I’m shoving it up the salesman’s ass that sold it to me.
Fantasy Football. Yahoo fantasy football sends me a weekly recap, which goes like this. “Your team really underachieved this week!” How about your projections are dog poo, yahoo. Thanks for the email also, I didn’t notice how the last place team overshot his score by 40% when he played me.
Joke reminders. I sometimes email myself joke ideas. I have deleted about 90% of them because I read it and think, “That’s why you’re not in improv.”
Columbia House. I joined to get free crap and for the last ten years, haven’t bought one other item. Not one. You can only unjoin if you call during business hours, which I have not remembered once in a decade to do. I have however denied 47 romcoms since 2006. Sorry Kate Hudson, not feeling it this decade.