My wife went to start the process of getting items for the baby registry. I’m a man, so I was all like, “I ain’t looking at baby stuff! I got man stuff to do!” I actually didn’t, so I was sent to the grocery store. Anyways, she came back and showed me a list of sadistic torture items for babies. Here’s the best of what I saw.
Hands free breastpump. I’m pretty busy at times, but I’m sure my emails can wait for a couple minutes to complete a process to feed my baby. Then again, I’ve never breastpumped.
Mucus siphon. Everyone knows that there is a tool for getting snot out of your baby’s nose. Apparently, they make one where you can suck it out. Who in the blue hell thought of this. I gag if my own loog goes down my throat, let alone a mouthful of my offspring’s.
Honestly, I had to shut it down after that. After looking at 47 different bottle nipples and the price of strollers, I had to sit down and breathe into a bag. I’ve heard stories of children being raised by wolves…I’m pretty sure I can do better than that with or without a snot siphon.